Earlier tonight, my son, Joey, came home with his new deaf girlfriend, Lola, to get what they can’t have in the university cafeteria. Real food. And, of course, as we all know in Mexico, with real food comes good conversacion.

Lola regaled an incident where she said she was approached by a friend asking for her opinion on the recent Gallaudet Washington Post article.

“What is FSSA?” the friend casually asked.

Lola responded, “Damned if I know. My best guess would be something like, ‘Friggin’ Short Sighted Amateurs’ or you know what, I could cheat a little, claim ESL as an excuse and answer, ‘Fame Seeking, Shortsighted Amateurs’. Take your pick.”

“Smart girl. She’s quick on her feet” I thought. “But what I really want to know is - does she like my enchilada del camarón - my shrimp enchiladas?”

“Mmm. I haven’t had enchiladas this good since I was a kid. Speaking of kids, take a look at this.”

She pulls out her Apple Powerbook and shows me a snapshot of a group of young estudiantes - students who have been appointed the new spokespersons of the FSSA Coalition at Gallaudet University.

“Ms Garcia, let’s play a juego - a little game,” she said mockingly. “Take a gander at the photo and if you can guess the average age of this group, I’ll give you a dollar!”

FSSASpokespersons.jpg

I reply, “20?”. Joey says 21.

“Now I don’t doubt the ability of these individuos to be successful someday but I do question the ability of the American public to take this group seriously. Just take a look at them. Couldn’t they have at least have had the decency to dress up? I’m not asking for suits. Slacks or a skirt and a nice shirt would’ve been just fine, don’t you think? Si?”

“And don’t get me started with the poor muchacha wearing that godforsaken ‘Mexico’ t-shirt. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she was forced to wear it.” It’s one thing to genuinely strive for diversity and completely another to have it shoved it right in my face. I’m sorry, but as a Mexican-American, I think that you’ll agree that this is an insulting and painfully obvious PR tactic that does nothing but scream, “Si, si, yes, yes. We really do care about diversity!”

Her hands flail wildly over her head as to sign, *BOOM*. Backfire! “Joey, am I right, I think the American idiom for this situation is,

‘Shooting oneself in the foot.’

Joey nods.

“And these wonderful shrimp enchiladas have me thinking that the equivalent Mexican idiom is,

Camaron que se duerme, se lo lleve la corriente. The shrimp that falls asleep, the current carries it away.

In other words, “You screw up, you lose!”

She went on to say that the PR blunder was just one of many that the FSSA have made. “No unity,” she says.

“They continue to fight a losing battle. They continue to flip flop. Oscilar like the water sprinkler in your backyard. They’ve been shot down. FSSA. Roll of thunder. Hear my cry.”

Parada. Parar el embarassment. Save yourselves from further shame and embarassment. Put yourselves out of your misery.

Crescendo.

“With all this negative exposure, they simply don’t stand a chance. If they don’t stop now, they will go down in history as being this amateurish, loosely-knit coalition that foolishly sought to rekindle DPN’s success. And if there was ever a way to jeopardize the legacy of Gallaudet University, this is it.”

Decrescendo.

She calms down.

“Sweetheart,” I reply, “why is it that you even care about what goes on at Gallaudet. You’re not a student there and I apologize if I sound rude, your plumas del peacock have been ruffled in a big way and I’d like to understand why.”

“Ms Garcia, I grew up revering Gallaudet. Esperanza. The school represented hope. Gallaudet taught me to believe.”

“And it’s high time for everyone to wake up. There is no consensus. This time around, not everybody agrees.”

She went on to explain that in 1988, DPN had incredible worldwide support. It is documented that even members of Congress descended onto Kendall Green to offer their help.

“My guess is that these congressmen and women are now rolling their eyes in their Senate offices thinking, ‘What’s the big deal? A formal search process took place and according to King Jordan, it was fair. How can we not believe him?’ “

“You know, it’s really as if they want to say, ‘Now could we please move on and figure out a way to solve this Foley fiasco?’ “

“Ms Garcia. Please understand that for me, this ridiculous comedy of errors is not about righting a wrong. There was and is no wrong. I see the situation as being an attempt by the radicals to turn the tables in the culture war that they are losing.”

“A culture war?” I ask.

“Yes!” she cried. “Gallaudet does not belong to the ASL community nor should it. Gallaudet belongs to all of us.”

“In 1988, the sides that were at war were those who were deaf and those who were hearing. In 2006, the sides that are at war are those who are Deaf and deaf.”

Despite Ms Fernandes being a more fluent signer than IKJ, it is clear that there is an almost-invisible, subconscious modern-day war being fought to ensure the emergence or continuation of certain cultural characteristics that will ultimately define Gallaudet’s future.

“And don’t give me any caca about how the search process wasn’t fair and how this isn’t about Jane. You know just as well as I do that it has everything to do with Jane and the fact that the Board of Trustees isn’t Deaf enough either.”

Joey replies, “So the FSSA needs to accept defeat?”

Silencio.

I wonder. Could Lola be the one? The one for my Joey?

And should I be concerned that she said, “caca” in my casa?

 


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