As someone who identifies with being hard-of-hearing, late-deafened, and/or little-d deaf I have learned it matters little what words I use to label my hearing loss. The important thing is getting others to understand I don’t communicate like they do.
This is probably the single biggest issue most late-deafened people struggle with, next to getting a hearing aid. We’re all taught from an early age to try to blend in. It’s rude to call attention to ourselves. Then suddenly, in order to get by, we have to point out something that’s very unusual about ourselves to everyone we meet.
Many people I know try to hide their aids. They don’t want others to know there’s anything different about them. You can get by pretending you’re ‘normal’ but eventually it takes its toll. You will embarrass yourself over and over by responding inappropriately, accidentally ignoring those you love, and laughing at the wrong times (we’ve all done it– laughed when someone informed us a friend had died).
We don’t carry special white canes. We don’t use a wheelchair or crutches. By all outward appearances we don’t look at all disabled. And most of us like it that way!! I know a lot of people who go to great lengths to hide their hearing aids. I did it myself for a long time.
But the great irony of hearing loss is that in order to manage your every day life successfully, you MUST inform people constantly that you can’t hear.
Otherwise, instead of understanding that you didn’t hear right, others will wonder what’s wrong with you when you gleefully exclaim, “Awesome!” after a coworker announces she’s getting a divorce. (OH! OOPS! I thought she said she was. . . getting a horse?) We don’t behave the way hearing people behave in every day conversations. So we’ve got to explain over and over and over what the exact problem is. But in the long run, as uncomfortable as it is, this is a better course of action than pretending we can hear.
Sometimes I’d rather have that white cane. This is why many of us who have been hard-of-hearing/deaf for years choose to go with wild colors on our aids and ear molds, instead of ugly medical beige. It would be nice if just a few times in each day someone would notice my hearing aids, then be reminded I have difficulties communicating, so I wouldn’t have to remind them myself.
Filed under: deafness, hard-of--hearing, hearing impaired, hearing loss | Tagged: self-disclosure
You wrote, “We don’t carry special white canes. We don’t use a wheelchair or crutches. By all outward appearances we don’t look at all disabled.”
I don’t use any of the above-mentioned devices so I can’t really relate here except to suggest you reconsider this statement you made with authority.
From my own experience in dealing with people I conclude many people using canes, wheelchairs or crutches are no different than many who use hearing aids or not even at all. We’re all humans capable of many things.
Why don’t you get out there on the streets and find people using canes, wheelchairs and crutches and repeat the above remark of yours by whatever means (writing or speaking) and see what they make of that kind of remark?
I never said they were ‘different.’ But it’s clear they’re disabled. Hearing loss is an invisible disability. I think my point was clear and I stand by my statements.
Yes - they don’t call it “an invisible disability” for nothing. It’s funny, because I see things from both perspecives…
1) as a mother of a child with hearing loss… and trying to get his teachers and others (and yes, even MYSELF) to make the minor changes to their communication styles so that he can succeed…
and
2) working in a college where I support faculty who had to make those adjustments to accomodate hearing impaired students and I saw first hand how sometimes it wasn’t so easy for them to make those “minor” adjustments. And, they did need reminding, and they didn’t understand… although they certainly weren’t doing it on purpose or out of malice.
I thought this was a great post.
debcny
Thanks for the nice comments Deb.
I also know exactly how easy it is to forget. My husband has lost some hearing. You would think of all people, I would be the most patient– but I do get frustrated at times trying to communicate with him. His hearing is different from mine and it’s sometimes hard to understand.
Yes hearing loss is a hidden disability. There’s many I’ve come across that unless I say something first, I’m HOH or they spot my hearing aids then they don’t know I’m deaf.
I used to hide my hearing aids at first but now I’m not bothered. I have my hair has I want.