Please Sir, I Want To Be A Double Magnet Head

Today my audiologist tweaked my current "personal" program, and gave me a new one for crowded areas. Problem is, the "tweaking" knocked me down a notch in comprehension.
It was all kosher and dandy in the cozy acoustically perfect confines of her office, but as soon as I left and got in the car, the road noise was drastic enough to make me throw switch to "noise" program. It was just tolerable in terms of understanding Janet on the drive, although I did go back to the rule of three: 1) Pardon, 2) I'm sorry, again 3) one more time.

It has been a while since the rule of three, and I don't like the rule. I'm not a good rule guy and this one is maddening.

Tragedy number 2 was at dinner when I was back on my "normal" program and Guitar boy and Janet both sounded like they had a second and third helpings of deep fried bass with their chicken souvlaki. I'm talking deep south, and deep fried bass. NO, not the fish but the 40-100 of frequency type of bass that should be calming, but is lower than whale poo poo. Has a re verb to it that makes Sting's bass sound like a piccolo.
So I scrambled to laptop to send emergency email to Suzanne the super audiologist and request (beg) another emergency mapping session. I will never complain again Suzanne, I swear, just give me back my old maps!

Exciting issue: I posted early today that becoming bilateral in Canada was just a pipe dream. This was posted after I researched the snot out of Google and Yahoo, reading every piece I could find. All I got was frustrated magnet heads, like myself, who want to go double magnet!
There were newspaper pieces from several reputable Canadian dailies that shouted sad new stories like this one:

Weighing medicine against money

A couple forced to pay CHEO $30,000 for a procedure to restore their daughter's hearing is lobbying to change the way the government funds expensive medical treatments

Mohammed Adam, The Ottawa Citizen

Published: Tuesday, June 26, 2007

As much as she tries, Josee Mondoux can't understand how, in Ontario, a child could be left deaf in one ear simply because the government -- which will spend $37 billion on health care this year -- wants to save $30,000.
Ms. Mondoux says there is no excuse for what is happening to many deaf children in Ontario. She says the children, including about 20 in Ottawa and, until recently, her five-year-old daughter, Sydney, are being denied vital cochlear implants because the government is not convinced that spending the money is justified.
"If you have problems with your eyes, they don't say we'll give you one glass for one eye," she said. "I don't understand why they are prepared to let children go deaf in one ear for the rest of their lives."

End of Story

So I asked what my chances were of ever going bilateral. Suzanne told me that at this point in time the hospital does do many bilateral implants.
All children are given bilateral implants right out of the gate. Which they should. But I was was now curious as to why I could find no statistics of any sort to show me this amazing claim. The good old internet is fine for some research, but still needs bags of salt grains to sort out the wheat from the chaffe. Going back after I got home, most (almost all) of the stories were at least one year old.
This is indeed good news for me, as I believe deaf children should have a bilateral implant. I believe that deaf kids be given every opportunity to have a childhood as close to hearing children as science and technology can provide.
I am overjoyed by the fact that it is all funded by health care as well. I am not surprised by this, just disappointed there is not anything to read about bilateral children in Canada, and how it enhances their lives.

Second heart stop I had was when she told me that Sunnybrook (where my clinic is) does five bi- laterals a year for research and foots the bill, through the grants they receive to do cochlear research.
Well my head spun aroundand just about snapped off. I ripped the knees out of my pants as I got down on my knees begged to be one of those lucky double magnet wearing, double hearing, top drawer cochlear kids.

Hey you gotta ask right.

Not really up to her, but if anyone reads this and has any say/pull/draw/vote in the Sunnybrook research team...I am one hell of a lab rat and am ready willing and able to have the world famous Doctor Ned, drill and punch another AB cochlear in my right side.

Hell I may even shave it tonight just in case there is a quick opening and a free operating theater.

Warmly,

David