Deaf Parents with Unruly Hearing Children
Saturday June 7, 2008
Lisac747 is a teacher with a challenging issue, posted on the forum: one of her students and his brother are being difficult and taking advantage of the fact their parents can not hear. The family is in the Los Angeles area, so I was able to refer the teacher to GLAD (Greater Los Angeles Agency on Deafness) but wonder if About.com readers have any better ideas or resources for this teacher (and the parents)?
Related on About.com: Parenting (Hearing with Deaf and Deaf with Hearing)
Comments
It’s a lot more common than most care to admit. In defence of the Kids, a lot is down to sheer frustration on communication, a lot of deaf people treat hearing children with the same stance as they treat hearing people outside the home, with suspicion and reluctance.
CODA’s get teased about their parents being deaf too, so react the same in self-defense really. They don’t want to be the odd ones out. This can lead to resentment of deaf parents by default in some cases, they blame them for other people’s attitudes.
There are deaf parents who will not make enough effort to engage with their hearing children, or in fact ANY Hearing people.
I felt for some hearing children when their deaf parents had friends over, the change was immediate, hearing children saw parents switch them right out of the conversation, and inclusion, and the line was visibly seen as a wall by them, when deaf people came into their home, the hearing were marginalized immediately.
Others might consider this very rude, deaf seemed oblivious to it. Children react angrily to this ‘exclusion’, they see it… Deaf people HAVE to engage more with hearing, they must for the sake of their children.
What bothers me is the teacher assumes the problem is because the children have deaf parents. There is not enough info provided but why does the fact the parents are deaf making a difference and what does she mean they children are taking advantage of their parents deafness.
This sounds like the typical “poor, poor deaf person, cant raise kids!” Maybe there are other issues involved that have nothing to do with the parents being deaf.
However not knowing anything more than what the teacher provided it seems paternalistic to me on the teachers part but you directed her to GLAD thats probably the best you can do.
this bothers me.
so you’re saying there are NO unruly hearing children with hearing parents?
why single the deaf parents out?
MM’s comment surprised me. Since most CODAs know sign language, how can they be excluded? It’s far worse when hearing parents exclude their deaf children.
With respect I know CODA’s with very poor sign awareness, they weer brought up with hearing relative support, as others acted via proxy for the deaf parent, hearing is, as hearing does thing. The more time these children spent with hearing relatives the more they found the deaf thing harder to live with, and relied on the oral side.
As the topic was about ‘unruly’ children, I was expressing a view why this might happen. All CODA’s sign brilliantly ? erm, they don’t, some have very poor sign knowledge, basics that’s all.
What you need is a CODA here to explain it properly.
Since most CODAs know sign language, how can they be excluded?
People have been very effectively socially excluding other people they don’t like much or want to shut out for millennia, even when they all share a language. Social shunning doesn’t only happen across language lines.
Janis, that’s exactly why we can’t just assume that deaf parents are excluding their hearing children just because they’re hearing.
Okay, here’s the CODA you asked for.
It is true that some CODA kids are very poor signers. This usually is because the deaf parents are made to feel so paranoid about their child’s speech development that they avoid teaching them the sign language they need in order to have normal family communication. Hearing professionals and hearing family members are notorious for instilling this fear in new deaf parents.
If the parents can’t communicate with their child effectively then they can’t provide the discipline and guidance they need.
The child may also pick up the lack of respect that hearing family members show their deaf parents and thus have less respect themselves.
In my case, I was taught ASL from birth. I never had a minute of speech therapy either. My parents gave me the discipline and love just as well or better than any of my peers experienced. I wouldn’t change a thing!
Ok I had this long post and lost it.
I agree with Coda Terp and also add that these kids are trying to balance the hearing world.
Hearing teachers don’t get deafness, so they ask questions, and the Koda just wants to be left alone, hearing kids are probably either making fun or asking “why”.
If a child is being teased, I can bet that most of them don’t want to hurt their parents feelings by saying they are getting teased for Deaf parents, so it could be some bottled up emotion.
Not all families are the same…I just speak from experience with my life and kodas I have talked to.
I AM A PARENT OF KODAS. I DO NOT AGREE W/ WHAT MM HAD TO SAY ABT EVERYTHING. I AGREE W/ CODA. MY CHILDREN LOVES GOING TO CAMP MARK 7 FOR KODA SESSIONS IN OLD FORGE, NY. CM7 HELPS KODAS TO FIND THEIR TRUE IDENTITIES AND MORE ACCEPTING OF WHO THEY ARE AS KODAS. BEST OF 2 WORLDS. HEARING KIDS/DEAF PARENTS COLLIDED TOGETHER BECOMES KODA AS KODAS @ CM7 SAY. EACH DEAF PARENTS HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP DIFFERENTLY BY THEIR OWN HEARING OR DEAF PARENTS AND CUDN’T BE HELPED. CAN’T JUDGE THEM. SO DEAF PARENTS RAISE THEIR OWN HEARING KIDS THE BEST THEY CAN DO BY THEIR OWN UP BRINGING.
BLESSINGS,
PROUD MOM OF 2 KODAS