An Apology to Deaf.Read

A Public Apology on Behalf of the United Kingdom

To My Readers, My Friends, My esteemed, but artistically and intellectually challenged critics, deaf/Deaf, WHATEVER ! but particularly to the deaf people of the United States of America, who have enough to contend with, via George Bush, Gallaudet, and A G Bell, without Europeans and British, and a smattering of drunk deaf Australians sticking their ten cents worth in...

I will (depending on your vote), be taking action to remove the alleged offensive comments and blog concerning a certain Paddy Ladd, and further comments regarding Mr Ladd's booklet (herein called "How to be Deaf in 25 easy lessons without ear-plugs", (which comes with free driving lessons a road Atlas of the United Kingdom, and a free Video and signed download of Derby (UK) Deaf club's Xmas outing). Firstly, I am sorry if the blog inferred all deaf people could hear, or indeed if all 'Deaf people couldn't, or the Hard Of Hearing and HI simply wandered around like headless chickens completely uncertain as to being either, wearing silly hats, and just fogged the issue. Naturally, I will take this opportunity if you will allow, to apologize for suggesting people with Cochlear Implants, have a right to speak, or think, or had any hearing loss at all, this was an error on my part for which I apologize unreservedly. Damn them to Hell, may their batteries rust, and their blogs get filled with adverts about sign language.

In reality I can't hear anything at all, so it was an natural assumption on my part, which was undertaken with a genuine belief, and no animosity intended, and probably and loosely based of actual fact, I had assumed all deaf couldn't hear the same as me, I used the maxim zero hearing meant being deaf, I now realize this is a debunked idea and concept, all deaf people can hear, read and speak now (Old age has caught up with me !). It is since pointed out, and at great a length via a virtual trickle of annoyed deaf and e-mailing individuals (and a few who wandered in to see what the noise was about), there exists a 'Culture' that surrounds deafness, this I had refuted as total nonsense, and that seemed to greatly annoy some people, again an apology, I had thought culture was a form of penicillin, and had nothing to do with being deaf, it's an easy mistake to make. (I blame Google for this), I had visions of deaf people walking about with green stuff on their heads....

On the asides at deaf communication, this seemed to really irritate members of the deaf community, whilst I had again assumed it made no difference what communication was used by deaf people, or how, it was pointed out that ASL IS completely understood in America, and it's only the deaf that can't make head or tail of any of it, without oral accompaniment and a sharp pencil. Such was the criticism I received, deaf.read is to set up a "Zap the limey button.", this is to allow American deaf.read contributors greater freedom to worship Deafhood in their complete Isolation. The pressing of this button will automatically remove any mention of Europe and other deaf people, allow only Mr Ladd to access deaf.read, and will save the American Government billions of dollars wasting time nuking us, while simultaneously protecting MacDonald's outlets from the unwarranted attention of lettuce lovers.

Mr Ladd Will also receive my complete and unreserved apology, despite the fact I seem to have inadvertently pushed UP the sales of his tome' to a staggering 35 copies. Of course deaf people who have nothing better to do now the club has closed, are perfectly entitled to read the book as is their want, I only ask, that the references to 'Deaf' and 'deaf people' be removed from 'Understanding deafhood', because our arms ache carrying it, the removal of the erroneous and excessive word count, will mean Mr Ladd can ship even more copies to the American people (Because we don't want them). Mr Ladd e-mailed me personally to state, it wasn't his fault, the caps lock key had stuck on his computer, and it was too much trouble to go all over it again, he intended to print an errata, but with the key still stuck in capital mode, it would have looked silly.

Footnote:

A Mr Spielberg (?) from California has also written in, about a new film he intends to undertake, concerning the deaf community battle against the Alexander Graham Bell people, with a huge cast of 51 people, it is to be made in Cinemascope and Technicolor, with a signed unsound track, (Can't wait !), tentatively called "The Gallaudet Files." (The Oral Wars). Matt Hamill has been approached to take the part of Mr Bell, (Perhaps he can hire Mr Ladd's beard ?), and 50 deaf people will take the part of the 10 irate oralists, in the good old American concession to equality. If you want to be an extra please contact Mr Spielberg not me.

NOTE !! A Poll is on the top right-hand side (Or it maybe your left).