It has been a long time since I’ve posted on DeafDC. Too long, in fact. My excuse is that I’ve been writing other stuff, namely a dissertation that has to be defended this term, but also a brief piece on the UK Human Fertilisation and Embryology Bill for Bionews co-written with some superb academic colleagues – geneticists Anna Middleton and Rachel Belk. (Unfortunately, the link now goes to the Bionews archives so you’ll have to enter the authors’ names to locate the actual article). So I’ll borrow a page from Jane Austen and ask your forgiveness, Dear Readers.
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a Hearing friend about an event we had recently attended that was full of other Hearing people. At some point, my Hearing friend mentioned that there were no Deaf people at this event. I looked at my friend, and said, “But I was there!”

And this friend, in all sincerity, remarked, “Well, I think of you as Hearing.”

And I’m absolutely sure no disrespect was intended, but this little comment really took me aback.

Part of it has to do with the way that the terms Hearing and Deaf are used in the signing Deaf community – they are typically used as dyads representing the only possible positions one can adopt.

One is either affiliated with Hearing culture or Deaf culture. As much as I like Descartes, I’m not enamored of this Cartesian tendency towards insisting that things must be placed in one of two categories.

Part of this stems from my own ethnic background – I identify as having both European and Arab heritage. Being told that I must pick one or the other just feels deeply wrong to me, and I’ve never been able to get past this moral intuition.

In addition to the ‘What are you?” questions I got as a child living in a very White community in northern Orange County, California, I was also admonished by family members not to reveal my Arab roots during the 1973 OAPEC oil embargo, and later during the Iranian hostage crisis in the early 1980s. (Yes, I know that Iranians are not Arabs, but this was not common knowledge in southern California in the 1970s and 1980s, since people frequently tended to conflate Arab with Middle Eastern.)

The upshot of not revealing my heritage was that people made false assumptions about my heritage based on my olive skin, brown hair and brown eyes.

In southern California, this meant that most people assumed I was part Mexican-American. Having two grandfathers and other relatives who were conversant in Spanish did nothing to dispel this; having best friends from elementary school to high school who were fluent in Spanish contributed to these perceptions; and last but not least, having relatives of Arab descent living in Mexico and Chile reinforced this even further.

As it happens, I had enough hearing as a child to hear racist remarks about Mexicans – more than a few of them were directed at me. The remarks about Arabs usually were not aimed my way, but were also made in my presence. Both made me squirm, though for different reasons.

When I look back on this, I think about the importance of being able to name who you are and being able to stand up for those you love - who may or may not fall into different categories than your own.

As a child, I hadn’t yet learned to do that.

I like to think that I’m better at this now.

When I was assigned to the category of Hearing, something in me railed against being falsely labeled yet again. It is not because I despise Hearing people – there are many Hearing people in my life I love dearly and for whom I would go to the ends of the earth.

The reason my stomach lurched was because it seemed to dismiss a big part of who I am and all that I have done to fight for my own communication access – starting in college with the first ADA claim that I filed with the Justice Department and continuing through today.

(An aside - I think the last claim I filed on a national level was in 2007 dealing with violations of FCC emergency captioning, or maybe it was a TSA complaint related to air travel? I forget. You get my point – advocating for communication access is part and parcel of my very being.)

I didn’t do these things as a Hearing person – a Hearing person would have no reason to fight for her own communication access in a world designed to meet the needs of Hearing people.

Just to mix things up a bit, for the past few years, I’ve had an ongoing dialogue with several Deaf of Deaf friends, who tell me that I am Deaf and that I should just accept this.

I resist this definition for a different reason – I was mainstreamed, I still use my residual hearing and my voice, and English is my first language.

Having said all that, I deeply cherish the signing Deaf community and the friends I have made within it. I continue to work everyday on improving my ASL, and am honored to be included in this community. I owe much to this community, and I do what I can to reciprocate. Somehow, making the claim that I am Deaf feels false to me – I don’t want to be a Deaf wannabe and I fear that claiming community membership might appear inauthentic in some way.

So what’s left?

I’m not fully at ease calling myself ‘a person with hearing loss’, because I am a philosopher by training, and believe that to be a person with hearing loss means that one must feel she has lost something. Yet I haven’t lost anything – or not that I can recall. (For those of you who like philosophy, I’m thinking about the distinction between privation and deprivation here).

I could always fall back on ‘hard of hearing’ and in the past I’ve made an argument for reclaiming this slightly pejorative term vis-à-vis ‘queer’ or ‘gimp’. Some days I like this idea; other days I’m less enamored of it. In recent years, I’ve had a number of Deaf people tell me that calling oneself ‘hard-of-hearing’ is akin to being an Uncle Tom. (I can’t help but savor the irony of a family connection that traces back to the woman who coined that term).

So far, I haven’t been persuaded by this argument. I think it rests on how one defines hard-of-hearing. My preliminary research indicates that the historical record of this term provides some evidence for defining a hard of hearing person as one who shifts between the Hearing and Deaf worlds. As I see it, this is not unlike being part Arab-American and part European-American and embracing both.

These days I’m not so sure how to label myself.

But two things resonate for me.

First: it seems to be a central tenet of human dignity to allow people the freedom to make their own claims about their identities. Anything less seems to encroach on basic human liberty.

And second:

I’m not Hearing.


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