08-26-2007
What Does ASL/English Got To Do With It (Manners)?
What does love got to do with it? (as sung by Tina Turner)
 Ahem.
 Ok, What does ASL/English got to do with it?
I keep seeing the same discussion over and over, spread out over time. Each generation has a different way of responding to proper manners. Sadly, good manners are not the same as it was when I was growing up and I was born in the 60’s. I learned proper manners from my grandma and my mom.Â
My parents are deaf and I see them and many of their deaf friends use the palm (not W) to say “Welcome” ASL version rather than “You are welcome” English version when someone says “Thank you”.  I’m located in the Midwest, as if it matters what region one is from. Perhaps New Yorkers are different and perhaps Californians are different, that, I wouldn’t be surprised (or perhaps they’re not so different?)
However, with this generation, regardless if you’re deaf or hearing. Many younger kids respond to “Thank you” in several ways such as: “not a problem”, “anytime”, “sure” “no prob, man!”, “Uh huh”, etc. Likewise, I’ve seen/heard some baby boomers respond similarily as well. Some of these responds can be considered rude, inconsiderate or less than polite depending on how the person who “thanked” you see it. If you want to give the person who thanked you a good impression of your “integrity” and “character” as a person, you’d be wise to stick with the ever so proper “You are welcome” English version or “Welcome” ASL version. (Seriously, ask Miss Manners)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that the current generation is wrong, or inconsiderate or rude, but rather, the current generation is most likely misled or just wants to be unique or is simply not well versed in manners (blame it on their parents!).  One should always try to be considerate of others and take into account how others may perceive your respond to their “Thank you”. Best to play it safe and stick with proper manners eh?  I know some will disagree, and that’s ok. Like I always say, whatever rocks your boat.Â
Let’s suppose if one was hired by a prominent company with the goal of moving up the ladder, and when a boss says “Thank you”, the deaf individual nods and put his hand out to indicate “OK” with index finger and thumbs making an “o” with the three remaining fingers upright. What if that boss is big on manners? That would put him off quickly. It’s really safe to use proper manners, no matter what. I’d think the boss would be right for feeling that way and it definitely has nothing to do with audism, if we are to be equals with hearings, we need to adhere to proper manners.Â
Many people from other countries have so much respect for manners. You will find many Europeans and Canadians among others, that are ever so polite. I’ve met many deaf Europeans and they are very respectful and big on manners. Says a lot about Americans.Â
I am a product of my ancestors and what I learned from them in the department of manners, is a very valuable tool. Good manners will take you far.Â
I’m not sure who started this ASL crap about how we’re supposed to respond to “Thank You” but, sorry folks, we all learn best from our elders when it comes to manners. I can’t believe it when someone tells us we should not (some actually signed “I ask you (to) stop sign that!”) sign “you’re welcome”! Who does that person thinks he/she is, telling someone how to respond to “Thank you”? To me it does not have anything to do with ASL or English. It has to do with manners, and nothing more. There is an ASL sign to respond to “thank you” and it is an open palm cupped as it comes towards your stomach. I’ve seen deaf people in my area use that sign, all my life,  when they respond to “Thank you”. I’ve seen it since I was a little girl, so I know, it has been used in that way.
I’ve met many current generation deaf in their 30’s and 40’s who tell me they were never taught proper manners from their hearing parents because of lack of communication, I guess that explains it.Â
The bottom line is: It is good manners to say “you are welcome” or to sign “welcome” in ASL when someone says “thank you”. Any derivation from that, whatever rocks your boat! 
Posted by critic in Deaf Culture, Deaf Issues, Human Behavior | RSS 2.0
In this day and age, you might want to go one step back. Who says “thank you” anymore??
I worked about 15 years in retail and was taught to always wear a smile and always always always thank the customer when ringing up their purchase. These days I find myself saying “thank you” as I walk out of stores, but it rarely gets said to me–the obvious exception are older employees, who still remember what the words “customer service” are supposed to mean. I think this sort of behavior is also linked to the casual way we treat people these days. Why does John Smith get addressed as “John” in 99% of the places he finds himself in. What happened to “Mr Smith”?
In other words, I think your question raises much deeper issues, and your answer lies in the disappearance of formality over the past 50 years.
It’s not just the form of “welcome” but the human interaction that is genuine and warm. After being thanked, it is important to acknowledge it with a gesture of friendliness–”welcome” is just one of many responses; the word itself is not important because “welcome” can even be said in a cold way.
A gesture of acknowledgement can be a smile and a nod, or a look into the eyes and a slight wink, and so on. What you want to convey is “I am pleased to have helped you.”
Could be regional differences. I see the sign you describe mostly for welcome TO MY HOUSE, as you’re invited to enter. For a response to “thank you”, I see all kinds of things, from another “thank you” back, to “fine” (five on chest), to a smile, etc, but not so often the “welcoming” sign. It makes sense to me, but then I think of it the way Spanish speakers do — “bienvenidos” (literally well - come) to my house, “de nada” (it is nothing) to thank you as well…
I agree with Diane … it’s not so much how you respond to “thank you,” it’s just important that you respond. I usually say thank you when I complete a purchase in a store, but many times it goes unanswered.
If I said what I truly wanted to say, I’d be opening a big can of worms!
Otherwise, I think it is important to have good manners regardless where you come from or how you are raised.
Pointless rant. Deaf people always acknowledge back to the person one way or another. Manners always have. English rules pick pick on ASL for right way. Different ways of cultural languages.