Deaf and Philosophy

I hope I am not the only one, but I cannot think of whom to thank for my education from K-12, except my parents.  I grew up oral and never learned sign language until I went to college. I am classified as someone with a profound hearing loss, yet I was prodded to wear auditory aids the entire time, as if I can really hear and understand what people say, when a microphone is attached to the person. In reality, I got by because of lipreading, and if it were too tiring to lipread during the entire day, I would simply look down and teach myself from the book. Perhaps the teachers thought I could hear well enough that I can take my eyes off them and read the book. It is because of my fear of failure that I made sure I knew what was going on, try to decipher what I was supposed to learn from the writing on the blackboard to the reading in the book.  How can I give credit to any teacher growing up? I don’t remember making a connection with any teacher and I was too proud to ask for help in class. At times, it seemed like the only reason I was in school was just to learn how to speak better, as if my entire career depended on it. 

When I went to college, I learned sign and had sign language interpreters from the beginning even though I wasn’t skilled enough for that kind of access. So, here I go again in not getting full access to education in the classroom. However, I got more access than I ever dreamed of from K-12 and thus was able to learn a lot more from professors. I admit, my mind was blown away to the point of being overwhelmed when I could understand most of the lecture. I no longer had to struggle to lipread and my eyes didn’t get tired. My brain was not used to so much information in a short time span.

The best professors I ever had was Nabil Kaylani (History) and Jamie Campbell (Philosophy). It’s been about 14 years, I think, since I took their classes at RIT. While at RIT, I was still not a good signer at all, if you could call it signing. I was still unable to “communicate” with people because I was too self-conscious to use my voice and too self-conscious to sign, I felt inadequate either way in communicating. I didn’t have the opportunity in personally interacting with Prof. Kaylani or Prof. Campbell, but I have sent them a letter of thanks for being one of the best professors I had and updated them with my life and what I have done since then. Both were extremely honored to receive such a letter and from the sound of things, most teachers and even professors don’t get these kinds of letters from former students. 

Prof. Kaylani was the hardest teacher I ever had, and it was in history, a class I usually get all A’s in. If I remember right, I might have gotten a B or a C in the class but I worked so hard for the grade I got. It was multiple-choice questions only! He was the best because magically, I was pushed beyond what I thought I was capable of. I knew I could call myself an “intellectual” when the quarter was over with. It has to be a tremendous honor for any teacher to get that kind of feeling in students. Yes, some teachers can be hard and you don’t get much out of it. When you get a teacher that is hard and demands the best out of you, you benefit greatly. Unfortunately, I’ve yet to have a teacher that was as demanding as he was.

Prof. Campbell was the best because he taught students how to be altruistic human beings. I think he could have taught calculus and still teach students how to be better human beings! I took moral philosophy and I think that is the one single class that changed my life. I’m not talking about academics only; I refer to everything. I understood how people thought morally, why people do the things they do and most of all, how to be compassionate.

I probably don’t write to both of these people as much as I should, but these 2 people know I am thankful for them. Maybe, you are like me; don’t have many teachers you can really thank for changing your life, but it is those few that don’t know how you feel about them. It may be no wonder that I have a philosophy degree because of Jaime Campbell and will soon have a history degree because of Nabil Kaylani. Yes, it took a long time but the important thing is, I got it done. I will pursue higher education and more degrees. 

Now, I am more fluent in sign language, I have been able to connect with more professors and interact with them more often, I know I missed out on a lot and will have a few more teachers to thank in the future, but perhaps I don’t have to because I keep in touch often. That’s not true; the teachers still need to hear it from time to time.  I hope you will be inspired to write a letter of thanks or even compose a video thanking your teacher! 

Lastly, some years ago, I wrote a long letter of thanks to my parents, about 8 or 9 pages. My mother expresses a lot of regrets and doubts about how she raised me as an oral child and wished I learned sign language earlier. I wrote to my parents thanking them for everything and knew they did the best they could do and thought they did what was best, and not to worry about it anymore. There is no sense in dwelling on what ifs and my parents said they cried when they read my letter. I certainly hope their regrets and doubts are put to rest, I am thankful for who I am, how I grew up and that I can thank people for making an impact on my life, but….I would not wish it on another Deaf person. Life is too frail to grow up being Deaf without an identity.  I didn’t have an identity and had no Deaf role models growing up.  The only issue I have is that no child should grow up thinking they are the only one in the world, and that was because I thought I was just a regular kid like every other kid in the world, but deep down, I knew I was deaf and different.

Now, I am proud to be different and Deaf, I stick out in classes of 200 or 300 students, and I will try to participate in every lecture. Well, when a class is that big, I actually don’t want people to participate, it’s too big for a discussion but in smaller classes, I have my hand up every class, it is my rule to be involved in every class and has been a long time coming. Growing up, I did not even want to be visible or known at all, I cannot remember if I ever answered or asked anything in class. My first try with college, I was a little better but not in large classes. This time around, I don’t have a care in the world. I will attend philosophy lectures and ask questions. (through an interpreter yes) It’s been a long journey in simply being me. I started with feelings of frustration or nervousness about what happens, what people will think and so forth to not having a care as I sign. (Yes, I do have to worry about how my interpreters are saying things!)Start with thanking your educators and let them know what you have been up to and why they made a huge impact on your life, remember parents can be your educators too!

I hope you are inspired by this, and remember, it is never too late for anything, even finding your identity from whatever system you grew up in or even wanting to break out of your shell. I would never dream of facing the entire class and ask for volunteer notetakers, now I email the entire class and introduce myself and throw in a couple of ice breakers and jokes and usually get 3-4 notetakers before the first class start. I’m connected with the college, and do not just show up on campus to go to class then go back home. Yes, I’m looking for the next educator to thank, and will always look for educators to make an impact on my life.