I don't typically use this blog to vent.  Really, I don't often use it for much of anything.  However, today has proven a difficult day for me, and I figured that Xanga was a good substitute for an ear or an eye.

I am a hearing student at Gallaudet University, which I'm sure anyone reading this already knows.  What most people don't know is how and why I came to be here.  I began signing at the age of 6, when I was a kindergarten student in a mostly hearing class with two or three mainstreamed deaf pupils.  I took annual after-school classes every year, and maintained my connections with my deaf friends when the mainstream program whisked them away to a different junior high and high school.  I knew from an early age that I wanted to have a career in a deaf-related field, and I worked to keep my signing skills up to par.

I entered Gallaudet last fall, when the university was in the midst of turmoil and on the cusp of a protest.  Despite some screaming that Gallaudet was exclusive to those who were deemed "deaf enough" by some higher power, I rarely encountered any problems when my peers discovered my magical ability to hear.  Most people were surprised to find that I was hearing and not of a deaf family, and I soon got used to the phrase, "You sign like a deaf person!"

Today, however, was a different story.  I'm in a linguistic class at Gallaudet that is a rare find: 9 hearing students (all female), 5 deaf students (4 male, 1 female).  7 of the hearing students are not actual Gallaudet students, but "visiting" students from other schools; one woman is a "special" student, taking only one class to decide if she wants to come back to school.  Only myself and one other girl are legitimate Gallaudet students, and we have found ourselves lumped into the same category as the other 7 girls.

I don't like this for a multitude of reasons.  First of all, my teacher has a habit of singling out hearing students whenever they react to what someone says.  We were discussing calling some "ASLish" or "Ameslan-ian" instead of  "deaf."  When a deaf student suggested the term "Ameslan-ian," I giggled at the new term he had created.  I appeared to be the only hearing student who actually understood what he said, and my teacher turned to me and asked why I was laughing.  I responded with, "I don't know, it just sounds funny."  What I wish I'd said was, "Hey, it's a new word for me, and that's pretty cool." 

My teacher interpreted my comment to mean that I was making fun of the student, or that I was suggesting that the pronunciation of the word was awkward or humorous.  The situation was further compounded when one of the visiting students said it would sound funny, though it turned out that she misunderstood what we had said.  I caught the deaf girl telling the original commenter that I simply "didn't understand" because it was new to me.  She quickly looked away when she caught me watching her conversation.

It surprises me how quick my professor and my classmates have been to lump me in the same category as the 7 other students.  The teacher rarely makes eye contact with any of the hearing students, and I have to struggle to get within her line of vision.  There is an obvious divide in the class between the hearing and deaf students, and the teacher doesn't help the situation by pretty much always facing the "deaf side."  I'm finding myself, for the first time in six months, being blatantly disregarded simply because I can hear. 

We discussed CODAs today in class, and the teacher commented on how hard of a time they have going between the deaf and hearing world, since one is the world in which they grew up, though they are still technically part of the hearing world because they can hear.  While I recognize that it isn't quite the same situation, it is comparable to hearing students at Gallaudet.  I don't consider myself a "hearing student" here, but simply a "Gallaudet student."  This is my university, and I'll be damned if I let myself be treated like crap because of something out of my control.